Identity

I've been scared of writing something in this blog that's too personal.
The purpose of this blog was always to document my road to creativity; my writing. But now I realise how ridiculous that is. Our creativity and our personal lives intertwine too closely to be separate. Things that happen to myself and others, inspire me and lead me to the path of a new story. So how can I separate them?

After having this revelation I decided that from now on I will write what I want in this blog. They say you should always write for yourself, and so that’s what I’m going to.

 So here goes, this is what’s inspired me recently:

 Am I still Welsh?

 On March 1^st 2012 I wore my daffodil with pride. Unfortunately it the temperatures soared that day and the symbol of my identity wilted. So many people that day asked me if I was wearing the daffodil to show my family’s Welsh heritage. They assumed that I was English, and for some reason this really upset me. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with English people, my fiancé is English, my issue is that even when I corrected these people and told them I was Welsh, they didn’t believe me. Apparently I don’t sound Welsh enough to be Welsh. We Welsh, even us North Walians, are expected to measure up to the stereotypes of what Welsh people should be and sound like, by shows like Gavin and Stacey.  I don’t fit in that with that stereotype.

I questioned for hours that day, what made me Welsh? Yes I was born there and have a Welsh surname, but I’m not fluent in the language nor do I know the whole of Wales’ history. Sometimes when people say ‘You’re not proper Welsh then’, on some level I agree with them and it makes me feel like a traitor to my country.

As of May 2013 my surname will be Harrison-Barker. It’s not a horrible name, but I don’t like double barrel surnames, they sound too posh, and Harrison-Barker is pretty much as English sounding as you can get. That is my real issue with it. I don’t want people to think, even more than they already do now, that I’m English. I want to be able to embrace my heritage without people thinking I’m just a crazy English person who’s great great great Grandmother was half Welsh and I’m just desperate to be different.

The themes of identity and belonging are predominant in my stories at the moment and that’s because they’re such a predominant part of my life at the moment.

I’m scared of losing my identity. I’m scared of losing me.